November 2nd

7am: Wrote 500 words in my first hour being at school for “Super”, including time for distractions. Awesome.

Agents of Shield: Why do we have to wait three weeks to resolve this cliffhanger?

I’ve been wondering how long is too long for a chapter today, especially for this type of story. Each volume in the trilogy has 36 chapters. At first I thought maybe 2000 words each, which would make each book about 72000 words long, not counting interludes, prologues, and epilogues. The problem with this is my first chapter has a good amount of stuff cut out from it so far (Diner, Basement) and I’m bordering on 3000. I guess it wouldn’t be awful to be over 100,000 words long but wow…

I have a counselling session after Celtic Lit today. Glad I’ll get to disappoint someone besides myself today, because I haven’t kept my practicing up for my mindfulness exercises, which I think are bullshit anyway. Breathing into my feelings definitely does not help when I’m in the midst of a crisis anyway. I already know I feel like shit, I don’t need to analyze it like a “curious scientist”, whatever the fuck that means. I know it’s natural and a part of me. But when the world is against me, and I feel like offing myself, no amount of analysis is going to help me through the brick in my stomach.

Lyrics: “So this is what they call/ Another endless night/ So tired of believing /If this is wrong or right/ I think this cause is lost/ I wish that I could sleep/ I feel like some kind of shadow/ Another slave to the week” – No Transitory by Alexisonfire